Wednesday, August 10, 2005
What are we building? Part I
I took this photograph in NYC last year. And I've been reading and thinking some lately...
But what I should really ask, is what am I building? This day in particular has felt like the summer job from hell. No, I don't have a job right now other than school. Yes, compared to 99.999876% of the world, I have it great. My life is comparably a cake walk, and yet I'm struggling so much right now. I've never wanted to be anywhere else, doing anything else, so badly in my life. Today, I was about as productive as a three-toed sloth on pot. I struggled just to put in a couple hours of work (really like 70 minutes, interupted numerous times).
So the question, "what am I building?" can only be answered: NOTHING. And I'm not sure exactly why. Is it that I'm just not good at languages, or is it that I'm totally undisciplined? Or is it somewhere in between. I look around and see a bunch of other people who don't look the way I feel. (Of course, I try not to look the way I feel either). But it seems that others are not exactly in this same place. And maybe that's because languages come easier to them. Maybe it's because they're actually disciplined enough to do the work they need to do to stay on top.
All I know is this: I don't want to come away from Princeton with a piece of paper and nothing else. I also don't want to be dwarfed by other who actually did the hard work (a la the church in the pic). I want to come away in 2 years with a firm foundation, ready to tackle new heights, to grow deeper roots, to be effective. I know I can't do that without being disciplined. And yet, I know I can't do it if I'm not working in my areas of strength. Hebrew... for that matter, foreign languages are just not strengths of mine (not since grade 8 French).
I just hope God is building something despite what I see and feel. I hope and pray God is building something in me, refining something in me, and preparing me to do good for Him. Now, if I could just get my butt into gear and get on board...