Sunday, July 31, 2005

Maturity, yeah, maturity

Opening caveat: I'm taking a break from studying Hebrew to write this... for 3 reasons, 1) I think I've developed adult onset ADD - I can't sit still for more than 30 minutes without getting ansy 2) I'm trying to create a good habit of blogging 3) Since yesterday, this has been floating in my head and I need to write about it. That being said, here goes.

So, I'm picking blueberries yesterday, at Terhune Orchards which I would highly recommend if you're in the Princeton area. And blueberries just happen to be my ultimate favourite fruit. (yes, I spelled favourite correctly - check the OXFORD dictionary) So anyway, as I could write an entire entry about Blueberries - which I'm sure are God's chosen antidoate to the forbidden fruit, or about spelling things correctly (that may come some day), but I must not get sidetracked.

Back to the story, picking blueberries. Anyway, I notice that most of the good blueberries, the bigger ones, juicier, tastier ones, they're not right there on top of the vine/bush (whatever it is). They're not, for the most part, right their in plain view. Instead, most of the really good ones are hidden in the vine/bush. They're out of sight, ripening away, not getting much notice. And this makes sense. You see, people picking fruit want the ripest, best stuff, that is most accessable. So they go after what's out there in plain view, leaving those underneath to ripen and mature.

I got to thinking about this, and I realized that this has profound implications for our own maturing. Those that show promise early, are often moved to the forefront, put on stage and generally taken early. Whether that be in sports or whatever. Problem is, these people don't always have the opportunity to fully mature. Instead, you've got other people, in the shadows, maturing in obscurity, waiting for the RIGHT time to shine. Now this is coming from someone who doesn't just gravitate towards the spotlight, I literally force my way onstage and bring my own light. Well, not always, but definitely more than I should. Problem with this is, when you're in the public light, always having to "perform", you don't have time to build character. You don't have time to build a firm foundation, for when the lights are off. And when they eventually do go off, you don't always know what to do.

But those people that have waited, honing their craft, preparing, maturing in relative obscurity, those people are the ones that have real character. Those are the people that when the chips are down, they don't fold, they don't even bluff, they simply have the cards to win! (I could go on with the poker analogy, but one analogy per post is enough). I need so desperately to develop that character. Because when I look at myself in the mirror, I know that there are parts of me that are shallower than a bathtub drawn by your grandmother. I am selfish, lazy, egotistical, stubborn and completely lacking in self-control. And yet, I want so badly to be a leader. But what kind of leader does that make? Leaders like that simply make selfish, lazy, egotistical, stubborn followers! What a failure that would be.

So, I need to be reminded of the subtitle of this blog, my blog mission statement essentially. I need to remember not to put on a front, to be honest, not just here, but out there, where it counts. I need to take some steps back, back into a little obscurity. I need to do some foundation building, some brick laying. I need to take some time out, not for myself, but for God. Sometimes people ask why you need to go to seminary to be a pastor, why spend 3 years getting an MDiv, after 4 years spent getting a BA, why jump through all the hoops to get ordained? Why not just go out preaching and teaching and allowing the Holy Spirit to work through you and bear fruit? Well, I've got this answer: Jesus spent 30 years preparing for 3 years of ministry. I need one heck of a lot more maturing than that, trust me...

Saturday, July 30, 2005

I needed that

I just spent a couple hours with a friend, having coffee and talking about stuff that is real. It was great, because it was absolutely, exactly what I needed. We shared our history, and our hopes for the future, and as you would THINK two guys in Seminary would do, we talked about God and the reality of God in our lives.

It's sad to say that conversations like that one with FRIENDS have been conspicously absent in my life for awhile. Sad. And the reality of God in my life has in many ways been absent as well. It's so easy to make God some abstract entity, some thing, that has only a small effect on your life and little or no immediate impact. But that's not the truth.

For awhile, I've needed to be reminded of the truth of the things that really matter, and the one THING that ultimately matters. Today, with the help of a friend, I was. And I look forward to more of that. Life is too short to be spent on things that don't really matter. Unfortunately, I often need many reminders of what really DOES matter.

"I want you just like a hole in my head, but I need you like a meal and a bed..."

Friday, July 29, 2005

Blogging is work... right now

So far, having made a very minor committment to this blog, and blogging in general, I'm realizing this is something that could take up a ton of time. But, it is something that may, in the future, be both useful and necessary. I don't know. I've been reading a little bit, and, gleaming a little, but not really a lot on how to make this a successful endeavour. But I think I definitely need to do some more reading, some thinking and I guess, some writing. I'm a little happier with how this thing looks. Pictures make it a little better and green is good.

Until I can make this a real habit though, I guess just being random is ok. Maybe I'll start writing about something important, but that might detract from the aspect of not trying to be anything, again, I don't know. I just know that this COULD be good, this COULD be useful, and, and this could be sacrelige to many people, but this also could be an enormous waiste of time. Only time will tell...

Thursday, July 28, 2005


As I'm sitting here, going over Hebrew vocab, I've been struck by a certain pang, a longing for my life over a year ago. Working at a church, I had the blessing of working with a lot of really good people, and two in particular that are more influential in my life than I may realize. I read their blogs today, for the first time. I guess it just made me realize how good I had had it. I miss Tuesday Starbucks meetings. I miss talking with a couple guys that I learned a lot from, and that I could share a lot with. Men are kinda weird that way. Anyway, I thought it was worthy to note. I should probably e-mail those guys... yeah, I'll do that tomorrow...

to Blog or Not to Blog...

this is the question. In 5 months I have not made any posts. I realize I'm not much for journaling. I've tried before. And since no one else even knows this exists, it's not like I have any reason to do this. Except maybe for the fact that as I look at my life, I realize that I've probably got a lot more bad habits and ways of wasting time than I have good habits. The truth is, I could stand to create a good habit of journaling, and maybe become just a tad bit more disciplined. If there is one thing in my life that I need more of, it's discipline. I think the demon of sloth has taken up personal residence in my life and we all know the laws of inertia. I think he's about 500lbs and he ain't moving without some effort. So maybe a blog might be one way to begin that. I could take my "wasted" online time to a new level. Of course, I'd need to probably read a few blogs...