Friday, September 23, 2005
At Peace... wrestling and resting
I often look at our cat, Snickers, and see him sleeping, so peacefully, so completely at rest. I'm jealous. Well, not too much, but maybe a little. That kind of peace so often alludes us, or at least me.
So yesterday (I think it was yesterday) I was praying, reading, singing and I had one of those brief moments where I felt God's... well, kinda like a peaceful hug. Now, I'm not one of those that believes a relationship with God is built on feelings... alone, no one can live like that. But I am one that believes are feelings are God-created and therefore can be good and necessary in our relationship. But feelings, just like intellect, is tricky. Here and there, I NEED a little feeling, I need to believe God is parting the heavens just to land a drop of water on my head to freshen my spirit. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I believe I'm the center of the universe... I dunno. I love the song Prove Me Wrong by Caedmon's Call which talks about doubt:
Sometimes I fear, maybe I'm not chosen
You've hardened my heart like Pharaoh
That would explain why life is so hard for me...
Cast out my doubts, please prove me wrong
'Cause these demons can be so headstrong
Make my walls fall please prove me wrong...
Don't let my doubts prove true
Draw me close and hold me near to you
Keep me still until the day you...
I think what is most important about these experiences though, is that they need to be held onto and remembered, I mean hence the song, right? And that takes our intellect. They work hand in hand. It's like Israel's circle in the Old Testament. God did something amazing and one generation saw it first hand. They became changed people (most of them) they were awed by God, they were devoted to God and they tried to teach it to their kids... but their kids didn't EXPERIENCE it for themselves, so they weren't changed in the same way, they weren't devoted in the same way... and eventually the teachings became stale. So once again, God would rend the heavens, do something amazing, save Israel, and the cycle would continue. I think the same thing has happend post-Jesus too. And I think in a micro way, the same thing happens in our lives. Our task, is to continue to think, talk, and re-experience those things in new ways, having faith that God will CONTINUE to do new things in our lives - but always for God's glory and God's purposes - for us to bless others. Because ultimately, it's not about us, it's about God. And that is what I need to constantly remind myself of. And in addition that, as Jesus taught us, it's even more about others than ourselves.
So, to be at peace, to be truly resting, I think I need to be truly serving...