Monday, November 06, 2006
Blessed with time
I was remarking to some friends today that I was stretched in many different directions and I couldn't give anything up in fact, the only way I'd be able to give up something was to ditch class. Well, after having my first class' presentation postponted until Wed, circumstances conspired for me to skip my second class of the day and come home early - to my friend who was watching our children - where we would swap for the afternoon. Up until today, I have been blessed with 3-4 hrs of at least one child being awake - and often fussy. But right now, as Andrew has left for class, I sit here on the couch in relative silence (save for Snickers cleaning himself and the rustling of squirrels in our ceiling).
It's a small blessing, I know. But I need them - the small ones. I'm frankly pretty jealous of all my friends who are struggling more with motivation to do work than anything else. They've all finished their internships (a summer-long one going into your Sr. year will do that) and their wives are not working fulltime. I'm stretched between School, Internship @ Trenton Psych, Brennan - oh yeah, and preparing for next year, whatever that looks like. I need these small little blessings of time to remind myself that the "feeling" of being stretched in so many different places, is only for a time. That soon, I'll be able to focus again. Soon, I'll be back "working" not in school, not "interning" and probably not the "fulltime caregiver" of our son. All things that by themselves I will miss - but together, I probably won't miss them all.
But it also brings to mind a simple fact that I know about myself - the grass is always greener - and I'm always admiring it from a distance. I don't know if it's something about our culture, my upbringing, or simply my inability to be satisfied, but from a young age I've always spent a lot of time daydreaming about what was next - next season, next year, next job, next school, next city, next, next, next. Since I have not lived in the same place for more than 2 yrs (over the past decade) or even the same city for 4 years in that span - I've begun to wonder if this transient lifestyle will continue. I don't know that I want it to, but I know that I enjoy new places, new challeneges, new people... and so I look for that new, that next.
And as I sit here typing, thinking about my current busy schedule, I can't help but think of what will be next year - and then the first baby wakes up...