I can't even Imagine

Those are houses, under 6, 8, 10 feet of water. Inside them are millions of dollars worth of possessions from electronics to jewlery, clothing to personal memorabilia. All damaged, most lost. And then there are the hundreds if not thousands of people dead, some under the water, many more to come from disease. In the midst of this, there is grief, fear and looting for those that have 'survived' this horrific event.

I sit here, in relative comfort with electricity, running water, a refrigirator filled with food and beverages, a myriad of things to do with myself and I cannot even comprehend the magnitude of losing everything, of being displaced for days, weeks and maybe even months. It's easy to say it would never happen to me, 'cause I just wouldn't choose to live in a place like that (fill in the blank - flood plane, tornado area, hurricane area, etc.) But that means nothing, because millions of people right now in the Gulf Coast are dealing with this themselves. For them, it is real. It is not television news, not internet reports. This is their life, whatever they can make of it. This is their 9/11, only this time, no terrorists are to blame. There is no enemy to go after, no war to wage, only devestation to deal with and to somehow overcome. And yes, it will happen, I'm sure.

I think right now, it would do us (and I mean ALL of us, being us here and "us" in New Orleans and everywhere else affected) to pray. And also to prayerfully consider how we could help. I bet if every church in America donated this Sunday's offering to relief efforts, every church in America would still open it's doors the following Sunday, still be there at Christmas, Easter and still have enough money to run all its fun events. But since I doubt that every church will hear God's call to do that, I entreat you to prayerfully consider what you will do with your money this week. I know Red Cross is accepting donations, and you can call 1-800-HELP-NOW and donate by phone.

Also, something else that I can't even imagine has happened in Baghdad. Where 1000 or more people have died because of a bomb SCARE!! Yes, the above picture is just one example of what people ended up doing when a stampede ensued during a rally - they jumped into the Tigris River. Somed drowned, some died on impact, others were trampled to death by the weight of the crowd. But can you imagine... dying because of a bomb SCARE! Not a real bomb. Now, not to disrespect anyone or anything, but here we have a death toll in the neighbourhood of 1/7 of what happened on 9/11 in NYC... but here it's just a scare, it's just a fear, it's not even a real danger, just panic. That's amazing. That's NOT the world that we live in here in the West, it's just not.

Think of it this way, it's like if when the Pistons & Pacers first game after the brawl in Auburn Hills, when there was the bomb scare... it's like instead of the game only being delayed 90 minutes, it's like all 19 thousand people rushed the doors, and 1000 died on the way out, hundreds injured. It's like that. But that kinda stuff just doesn't happen here. I mean, until just recently (post-Oklahoma City, post-9/11) bomb threats were nothing. Growing up I'd hear about bomb threats in rival high schools, and usually they were just called in by disgruntled students who wanted to get out of class for the afternoon. No one was scared, but you evacuated the building in an orderly manner, whatever. You see, OUR world (and again, I mean us people in the West) just don't live in a world marked by that kind of fear. We just don't. We see stuff happen on the news, we see stuff happening to others, and we get teary eyed, we get sad, but we move on, 'cause our daily lives don't involve the kind of stuff like that on a regular basis. We're so far removed, so BLESSED that we can't even imagine what it's like to live life in constant fear of that kind of stuff.

Well, I just know one thing, it's time we started truly giving back to those that do not share in our blessings. It is time we stopped believing it our God-given right to be blessed, and started believing it our God-given TASK to bless others, both near AND far...

In the Wilderness

So things have been pretty dry for awhile, spiritually speaking. It's funny 'cause it seems to mirror my health in other areas of my life, if not my health then at least my general feelings. I seem to be running really, running from nearly everything. I'm running from my Hebrew class (not learning what I should) and running FROM spending time with God instead of running TO spend time with God. The most obvious example of this is in my prayer life, which is nearly non-existant. I mean, I thank God before I eat, and Bridgette & I pray each night before we go to sleep (especially for our little unborn child)... but most of the rest of my prayers aren't happening. And I feel like I either can't come to God or that when I do, it's not real anyway, no, not that God's not real, but the experience, what I'm bringing to it isn't real.

So, I go check out my friend over at thoughts as I go and he writes this nice little ditty in Matthew 4, Jesus' wilderness experience, and he's relating it to Israel's 40 years vs. Jesus' 40 days and he says: "Moses' disobedience and the grumbling of the hungry, thirsty, and tired Israelites kept them in the desert 40 years. Jesus was done in 40 days."

Now, this isn't really the point of his comments, but it strikes me in this way: Is it that we spend time in the wilderness to accomplish a certain task, or to learn a certain thing, and then when we have done so, we will exit the wildnerness? I mean, maybe that's just elementary to people, maybe it's something that I already knew, but I'm not sure.

You see, it makes so much sense with what I'm going through right now. Here I am, 2 years away from royally screwing up faithful believers lives by being installed as a pastor in their church (I can't wait until Pastoral Search Committees find this blog...) and I'm experiencing a huge time in the wilderness... and if there's one thing I can almost guarantee that I need to learn during this time, it's this: 1) I need to be disciplined. and 2) I need to draw near to God. (Ok, so I can't keep to just 1 thing)

Anyway, I'm TRYING to be more disciplined, I'm TRYING to finish what I start and be there from beginning to end, not fizzle out, etc. But, I'm not trying hard enough, and I'm trying on my own strength, not on God's. It seems that the more I try, the less I rely on God. Instead of spending more time with God, I'm spending more time worrying about the things that I should be doing but am not, and lest time resting in God.

I guess when I think about the wilderness experiences of the Israelites and of Jesus... they DIDN'T get out by doing something of their own, they got out by being obedient, by fighting through something on God's strength. Israel learned to trust in God, Jesus overcame temptation through his knowledge of God's Word. So, it's not that I need to DO anything to get out, but I need to BECOME more reliant on God. I need to press in to God, amp up my time with Him, and trust Him. I think the key now is not to just leave this as some blog entry, but to go...

Forget this...

With 1 week left of summer hebrew, and only 1/3 of the vocab learned (to my calculation) I've decided to drop the whole thing and become A TRUCKER!

That's right folks, from here on out, I'll be posting from a big rig, traveling across the country, bringing all kinds of goods to the nice people in this big land. Keep a look out for me while you're traveling down the interstate/thruway/parkway/highway/tollway or whatever you call it in your neck of the woods, maybe you'll see me.

*UPDATE*

It turns out that Bridgette won't let me become a trucker after all. She says I need to finish what I started, that I need to go to school, that I need to get a real job so that she doesn't have to work 2 jobs when the baby comes... darn it. I guess that means I should go to sleep, so I can spend some time tomorrow learning my Hebrew vocab, so that when I take this Final on Friday, even if I don't pass it, I might be able to garner enough points to pass the course... I only need 70% overall, and only like 45% on the final... shoot, if I keep talking like this, I may not pick up my vocab cards all week! I'm so ready to hit the road...

So I walk into the chapel...

This morning, I'm really feeling like I need to take some time out, and spend it with God. I've put in so much time blogging and e-mailing lately with people I disagree with theologically, people that I do believe are trying to follow God, but people that I also believe to be somewhat ignorant of Christian history, and very ethnocentric. And it's been killing me. Not just killing me what they're saying, not being open-minded and labeling other people who I ALSO believe are trying to follow Jesus, they just happen to be doing some different things... and by different, I don't mean THAT different.

But anyway, I go into our chapel, I take some time to pray, and I reach for a Bible, to read some... but they're only hymnals, and by "they're" I mean the 3 different books in the pews. Disappointed, I put them back, but reach down a few minutes later, why not, right? I mean, not the Bible, but still some good stuff, God can still speak through...

And I come to this one hymn, and I read it through, and I go, YES! This is what I needed to be reminded of, and this is what I need to write on, to share, if nothing else, here goes:

SOVEREIGN LORD OF ALL CREATION
Stewart Cross, George Henry Day

verse 3

Holy Spirit, rushing, burning
Wind and Flame of Pentecost
Fire our hearts afresh with yearning
To regain what we have lost
May your love unite our action
Never more to speak alone
God, in us abolish faction
God, through us Your love make known


This is my prayer, for me, for us. May we be united through the Holy Spirit...

Why?

Over the last 24 hours I've been through a lot of emotions, and have centered on one: brokeness.

No, I'm ok. My marriage is great. Our expectant child, by all our knowledge, is safe in Bridgette's belly. But it seems to me that in many ways, the state of our faith, the state of Christianity... well it's hurting me.

Now, I'm not a pessimistic type, and in general, I'm not scared about the future. I believe God is Lord of the future, it'll be ok. But I've been perusing through blogland, reading a number of Christian blogs and posts which seem to me to be so hurtful and devisive, that I cannot stomach them. A couple of times, I have replied or e-mailed the persons, hoping to open their eyes to what they are denying. In some cases, they are denying elements of historical Christianity without even realizing it. Some people claim certain things "pagan" or "new age" but are ignorant that these same things were practiced for hundreds of years by many faithful Christians.

Some people seem to forget that Jesus came 2000 years ago, that there is 2000 years of God working through the Church, before we ever got to today. Faithful Christians throughout those ages sought to know God and Jesus, often witout the aid of the Bible in their native tongue, and yet today so many of us protestants claim that the Bible is our very own personal answer key, easy to understand, simple enough that a child could come to the right truth simply by reading it, like a cookbook. We almost worship the Bible and forget about the Holy Spirit!

But that's not exactly what I'm broken about. I'm frustrated by the fact that we are known more for our exclusion, our backbiting, fingerpointing, hurtful and devisiveness than for our love and our unity. Is that what we were called to? Is that what Jesus died for? I think not! I think we sell ourselves short everytime we try and paint other Christians as evil.

I wrote in an e-mail recently, reminding someone of Jesus words to His disciples concerning stuff like this. They asked him, essentially if they should weed out the false prophets who were preaching in His name. Jesus said no, if they are not preaching AGAINST me, then they're FOR me. Even more, he claimed that by uprooting these weeds, you would end up hurting the wheat that God would eventually harvest. Instead, they were told to wait for the day of judgment, where God (who alone can judge rightly) would discern the true from the false.

See, it's not up to us. We are not called to judge our fellow fallen friends. We are called to live in love and community, seeking God as best we can. But so often, we instead try to point out everyone else's sin, explaining why they're so wrong, and therefore, why we're so right. But that's not our job!!!

Also as an aside, I NEVER want this blog or any other I ever write to be a hotbed of angry dissenting and complaining about people or whatever. It's so easy to do that on the internet. Those blogs are EVERYWHERE. And Christian blogs like that are EXTREMELY prevalent. But we can do better than that.

I am broken, I want us to love one another, I want us to leave the judging up to God. Please, help me to walk humbly before my God, to do justice and love mercy... and above all else, to love... because love covers a multitude of sins, and without love, I am nothing but a crashing cymbal...

So nice to get away!

So, Bridgette and I went away for the weekend. We celebrated our 5th Anniversary (the last before our first baby arrives) at a Bed & Breakfast in Westbrook, CT called Angel's Watch Bed & Breakfast which was awesome. The food was delicious and in very large portions. We had a two person soaking tub in our room, which allowed us to enjoy a nice, relaxing time each evening. It was so nice to get away from everything at home, especially Hebrew. Even though I took a bunch of vocab cards, I actually FORGOT about them, never even opening them until we arrived at home.

Not only did we have great accomodations, we enjoyed a couple lovely dinners at Cafe Routier on the actual night of our anniversary and Alforno Trattoria where we ate Saturday night. We also enjoyed tremendously our visit to Chamard Wineries where we were able to do a little wine tasting (well, I was able) and tour this quaint little winery. The wines available for tasting were very enjoyable... and beyond that, I would just sound silly if I tried to explain them. I am no wine expert. But we bought a couple bottles... so who knows!

Two things though, were very thought provoking on our little trip. The first, is a comment that Bridgette said while we were leaving on Sunday, and the second is something I'll talk about later, having to do with our little jaunt to Yale. Anyway, as we were driving away, Bridgette questioned whether we had been faithful witnesses or not. Now, normally (I say normally, but truth be told, I'm not sure I qualify as someone who knows what "normal" is in regard to B&B's) it seems that you may not have a lot of interaction with other guests, when you're staying somewhere. But here & Angel's Loft, they served breakfast PROMPTLY at 9:30am (which meant we never slept in) and encouraged us to introduce one another and really talk around the table. We did so, but never got too far. I mean, we didn't talk too much about ourselves beyond where we'd been, and our expectant child. We talked briefly about me attending seminary and answered the question "what are you planning to do after" with -"fulltime pastoral ministry." But, nothing really of the stuff that says - "what we live for is Jesus, and you need to know about Him."

Now some people might say, good, one less pushy preacher is awesome, but I'm not sure. It's something that I always struggle with. What is the line between being pushy and being timid? I want to be authentic, but I don't want to hide anything. I don't want to be a salesman, but I don't want to hold back on something that I believe is more precious than anything in this world.

And I must say, this website is that way too. I didn't put this out as some kind of proselytizing place, nor do I expect that there are enough people reading it for it to be effective. But I want to be honest. It's a fine line. I want to be forthright, but not obnoxious (of course, I probably couldn't help from being obnoxious no matter what I do). Suffice to say, I struggle daily with the question of how to spend my time and talents in a way that reflect eternal significance. I don't believe it to be something I'll probably ever feel like I've mastered, but I do hope that I'll be able to grow and listen for that quiet prompting... problem is, I think right now I do a very good job of shushing it up...

Uh... should I be worried?

So, I'd been over at Rhett Smith's blog and he talked about doing these pseudo psychology tests that match your personality to a classic movie or a famous leader. So, I finally thought, why not? He and some others had got some surprising results (but not all that surprising... or so I thought). So, I do the movie one first, and here's the way it pegs me:

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

If you know me... well, this may not be THAT far off, but I think there are definitely aspects that are way out. But that wasn't the worst part. I do the famous leader's section, and it comes up with this:

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Are you kidding me? I mean, he's a tyrrant who's killed tons of people for money and power. He's a genocidal maniac! How do you get that from questions like: "I like acclaim" ??? I'm a little disappointed that they would include this guy without any questions regarding anything like that. I can guarantee that I don't want to be "the toughest guy on the block." El pidro? Maybe. Saddam? No way.

Well, maybe I should rethink my calling. a megalomaniac-mobster/rogue-tyrant is not somebody who should be preaching in a pulpit and offering counseling to hurting people...