Poorly Developed

This photo bears no resemblance to either the current geography of Princeton nor the title of this post. Bridgette took this amazing photo down by the canal a couple weeks ago. Now, we're in the middle of a "heat" wave where during the day we're hitting 60's but of course all the leaves are gone - it's wierd. Also, the title has to do with the fact that although there's been time, I'm not sure if I can articulate some of what I'd been thinking earlier, any better than before.

About 2 weeks ago I had a couple meetings with some churches about positions they're looking to fill, positions I would be available for upon Graduation (and completion of my Internship/CPE @ TPH, passing final assessment in January, etc). I can't tell you how many times I get asked by my non-PC(USA) friends what happens next, and I have to explain to them where I am in the process. From my end I'm feeling good. I passed all my Ordination exams 1st try (by God's grace alone) and I'll be ordainable by graduation as long as everything goes smoothly in my January 27 meeting back in LA. I have other friends that aren't in those boats. And yet, as I explain for the umpteenth time just all the pieces that must fall into place by June when our housing runs out... Let's just say it's a little different than some others...

But it was a very interesting week when I skipped 2 classes to meet with people, talking about being a pastor, about possibly being one of THEIR pastors. I was reminded that I'm spending 3 years here for a purpose that looks very different from the actual time I spend here. You read & write, discuss & argue, dissect & deconstruct - and you're supposed to come out the other end able to apply constructively to real people in their real lives in a manner that is helpful and hopefully moving towards some kind of a positive outcome. So when I sat down and tried to answer "what would you do with a subdivision where 150 families live 20 miles from the church that is not easily accessible..." or "how do you make Jesus relavent to a 13yr old who only sometimes wants to go to Youth Group and doesn't know what he believes..." well, it reminded me that what I do here isn't always a 1:1 with what I'm expected to do in a few months out there. Just like the Bible - it must be translated.

Now, I'm absolutely psyched about getting out there, getting out of here. I've loved it here, I've loved the people. I've loved the opportunity to set aside time to read, study & think which never would have happened had I been doing fulltime work at the same time. But I'm absolutely ready to get back out there, in the parish, interacting with people & actually living this stuff again. Not that I haven't been here... but as I've said, it's different. Being PC(USA) of course I sometimes wonder exactly what kind of church I'll be returning to - in tatters... I dunno. But that's for another post.

What's kind neat is that I have two main requirements for next semester - a Pastoral Care class and an Education class. Both Practical Theology classes, both, hopefully, very focused on what I'll actually be DOING when I get out of here. That combined with doing an internship, and I'm really set up to be slowly shifting my thinking from hypothetical to the real nitty gritty of ministry. There's only 6-7 months left before I'll be in a church again, and I'm very much looking forward to it. And I think this Spring semester will be a great preparation for it too. Now, if I can just get all that I need done for this semester in these next 2 months...

Processing...

I've got a lot of things I've been thinking about lately, from watching "the Constant Gardener" to having "informal" discussions with a few churches about possible positions upon graduation to my work with patients at a state psychiatric hospital. Right now, I'm processing some things - but I know if I don't write about them soon, the thoughts won't crystalize. So, I'm making the committment to do that very soon - just as soon as the OSU-Michigan game is over Saturday...

Blessed with time

I was remarking to some friends today that I was stretched in many different directions and I couldn't give anything up in fact, the only way I'd be able to give up something was to ditch class. Well, after having my first class' presentation postponted until Wed, circumstances conspired for me to skip my second class of the day and come home early - to my friend who was watching our children - where we would swap for the afternoon. Up until today, I have been blessed with 3-4 hrs of at least one child being awake - and often fussy. But right now, as Andrew has left for class, I sit here on the couch in relative silence (save for Snickers cleaning himself and the rustling of squirrels in our ceiling).

It's a small blessing, I know. But I need them - the small ones. I'm frankly pretty jealous of all my friends who are struggling more with motivation to do work than anything else. They've all finished their internships (a summer-long one going into your Sr. year will do that) and their wives are not working fulltime. I'm stretched between School, Internship @ Trenton Psych, Brennan - oh yeah, and preparing for next year, whatever that looks like. I need these small little blessings of time to remind myself that the "feeling" of being stretched in so many different places, is only for a time. That soon, I'll be able to focus again. Soon, I'll be back "working" not in school, not "interning" and probably not the "fulltime caregiver" of our son. All things that by themselves I will miss - but together, I probably won't miss them all.

But it also brings to mind a simple fact that I know about myself - the grass is always greener - and I'm always admiring it from a distance. I don't know if it's something about our culture, my upbringing, or simply my inability to be satisfied, but from a young age I've always spent a lot of time daydreaming about what was next - next season, next year, next job, next school, next city, next, next, next. Since I have not lived in the same place for more than 2 yrs (over the past decade) or even the same city for 4 years in that span - I've begun to wonder if this transient lifestyle will continue. I don't know that I want it to, but I know that I enjoy new places, new challeneges, new people... and so I look for that new, that next.

And as I sit here typing, thinking about my current busy schedule, I can't help but think of what will be next year - and then the first baby wakes up...